In the year that Great Britain voted to leave the EU, people around the world today tuned in to the 2016 US Presidential Election results live as Trump vs Clinton votes stacked up perilously in Donald Trump’s favour. Trump, now the elected leader of the United States of America and victor over rival candidate and typical woman, Hillary Clinton, is excited to spearhead Republican initiatives to cease dangerous, leftist progression towards equality and world peace.
President Trump’s arsenal of cataclysmic policies can be credited with winning over the American public, who have been waiting for someone to grab them by their collective pussy and plunge them into insular prosperity.
The answer to their (strictly Christian) prayers may seem to have risen quickly to power, but in fact dedicated years of his life and untaxed income towards becoming a household name. Since he was spawned in the orange garbage juice of Queens, New York, Trump has pioneered gentrification, beauty pageantry and general capitalist greed with his powers of articulation.
Inevitably, Trump’s charms were irresistible, and humans throughout the former most advanced nations in the world can now look forward to a more sexist, racist, xenophobic, mono-cultural and intolerant socio-political climate. In this climate, we no longer take pride in moving forward, but instead, winding the cultural clocks backwards: closing the borders, deriding women, mocking the disabled, ignoring the problems and fearing the foreign.
Despite of today’s results, which are devastating for ethnic and religious minorities, women and ability-impaired people around the world, it is not time to give up yet. Today we can mourn the loss of a great, open-minded and altruistic leader and the introduction of a loathsome Oompa Loompa in his place, tomorrow will be time to band together and continue to fight to keep the world a beautiful, peaceful, tolerant place where everyone is equal.